Bob Marley quote

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

— Bob Marley

The Girl who lived

I have thought I had a lot in common with Harry Potter.  
For one, we both wear glasses. 
We both think that magic is absolutely cool. 


I mostly related to having family that did not seem to like us very much.  Both of us came alive once we were at school and were able to make friends. 


I can remember very much spending a lot of time away from my house and feeling trapped once I was there. 


Themes that carried to my relationship with my first husband.  He may have loved me, but he did not like me.


I see where a lot of teachers became surrogate parents as well as my friend's family.There were those teachers who did not have my best interest at heart and many moments of truth and insight came from my surrogate family. As I wrote before in my note "Patchwork Quilts", I have had to put together a family.


I think Jeff would be amazed that his family is the Weasleys.  

Author unknown

The Awakening(Author unknown)

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Trial

Trial

by Dianna Naylor on Thursday, 07 July 2011 at 12:23

I read an article on the Caylee Anthony trial. One of the jurors told of their experience. That person stated that there was not enough evidence to convict. They went on to say that it would not have been right to vote on just emotion. They did think that Casey was guilty, but there was not proof beyond a shadow of a doubt. It sounded like this person really had some integrity and took their charge seriously. I can't imagine what it would be like to have that choice before me. I don't want to. Their lives too, will never be the same.

Cats

by Dianna Naylor on Sunday, 29 May 2011 at 14:04

When God made the world, He chose to put animals in it, and decided to give each whatever it wanted. All the animals formed a long line before His throne, and the cat quietly went to the end of the line. To the elephant and the bear He gave strength, to the rabbit and the deer, swiftness; to the owl, the ability to see at night, to the birds and the butterflies, great beauty; to the fox, cunning; to the monkey, intelligence; to the dog, loyalty; to the lion, courage; to the otter, playfulness. And all these were things the animals begged of God. At last he came to the end of the line, and there sat the little cat, waiting patiently. "What will YOU have?" God asked the cat.

The cat shrugged modestly. "Oh, whatever scraps you have left over. I don't mind."

"But I'm God. I have everything left over."

"Then I'll have a little of everything, please" said the Cat.

And God gave a great shout of laughter at the cleverness of this small animal, and gave the cat everything she asked for, adding grace and elegance and, only for her, a gentle purr that would always attract humans and assure her a warm and comfortable home.

But he took away her false modesty.

~ "When God Made Cats" by Lenore Fleisch

So many changes

So many changes

by Dianna Naylor on Friday, 20 May 2011 at 14:40

I am in the place I should have been all along for 1 year and 3 months.

I am hitting the 2nd year of being healthy since my collapse in '09 Memorial Day weekend.

This time last year I had been home with Jeff 3 months.  One month into my new job when the first Rialzo occurred.  Jeff wanted to go, but I was just not ready.  I wanted to go, but the idea made me so scared that I opted out.  A lot of you who know me, may find that incredulous.  I just wasn't ready to take that next step.  I am not sure why other than I didn't feel like I was good enough.  As silly as that sounds.  I was that beat down, and I didn't even know it at the time.  My head is reeling as I recall this.

It is a year later...

I am so excited to go to Rialzo.  I am nervous, yes, but excited.  I have my dress, shoes and all the finishing touches lined up.  I have a manicure tonight and getting my hair done tomorrow.  I am doing this right.

Jeff and I never did go to a prom together.

This will be better.

Letting Go

Letting Go by T.D. Jakes

by Dianna Naylor on Tuesday, 05 April 2011 at 21:24

  L            E            T            T            I            N            G                     G            O !

By T.. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

Author Unknown

Author Unknown

by Dianna Naylor on Sunday, 03 April 2011 at 17:50

If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. 

Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

And MOST of all… When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by

and nuzzle them gently.

Author Unknown

Obit

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true:

by Dianna Naylor on Sunday, 27 March 2011 at 09:43

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: 

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain; 

- Why the early bird gets the worm; 

- Life isn't always fair; 

- and Maybe it was my fault. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. 

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. 

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; 

I Know My Rights 

I Want It Now 

Someone Else Is To Blame 

I'm A Victim 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Jeff's Vows

Jeff's vows

by Dianna Naylor on Monday, 07 February 2011 at 14:01

You’ll pardon me if I read this, but I’ve been thinking for a long time about what I wanted to say to you and to all of you, and I don’t want to stand here and have a brain fade and forget half of it.

When my grandmother got sick, I got angry. I was angry about the way this woman who had been so very good and very understanding to so many people for so long was being taken out of this life. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and the more I thought about it the angrier I became.

On the day she was buried, it was so windy and so bitter cold, and I got sick myself. I was sicker than anyone knew, and I was sick longer than anyone knew. I was sick enough that I started spending some time thinking about my own life, and I found much that could be improved upon. I started to think about whether I would die the way my grandmother did, and that scared me. I decided that a lot of changes needed to be made, and I set about making them. Today I believe I’m not quite what I was.

One of the things I began to understand after a lot of contemplation and sleepless nights was that I needed to be with someone who shared my new outlook on life, who shared my morals and my beliefs, who wanted the things I want, who needed the things I need, who liked the things I like. I had no sooner than made some very difficult decisions about the direction I needed to go when Dianna Mutch showed up in my life again. I’m not sure quite what I believe about a great many things, but I have a difficult time pretending that I believe that happened by chance.

Father Andrew Greeley said, “We’re given second chances every day of our life. We don’t usually take them, but they’re there for the taking.”

I’m not completely sure I agree with him, I’ve found second chances to be rather rare things, and that’s what makes this so special for me. I am here today because I was given a second chance and I was smart enough to take it.

Dianna, I’ve known you practically my entire life. If you’re not the best person I’ve ever known, you’re certainly in the top two. Anyone who believes otherwise is simply wrong and doesn’t understand how fortunate they are to have someone as good as you in their lives. I’ll not take that for granted. You’re good for me. You make me laugh, you make it OK for me to occasionally be silly and even... sometimes... undignified. Although that tends to be more your goofy cat than you. A year ago I couldn’t quite envision myself allowing a cat to sit on my head, yet there he is.

You share my outlook on life, you share my morals and my beliefs, you want the things I want, you need the things I need, and you like the things I like. Over 25 years apart and you bought the same furniture I did, for heaven’s sake.

I won’t stand here and pretend to understand quite what you see in me or why you want to be my wife, but I’m not particularly in any mood to question it either. Sometimes you’re given a gift and the best course of action is to just say thank you, take it and shut up.

Thank you.

Transforamtion...continued

Transformation...continued.

by Dianna Naylor on Sunday, 16 January 2011 at 12:20

I knew something would change for me yesterday.  I didn't know what it would be.  Would I feel more *married*?  What was it going to be?  It was like that tip of the tongue experience.

I think I figured it out this morning.  

I knew that I belonged back home in Indiana.  I knew I needed to be around family and friends.  I knew I needed to be with the man I was supposed to be with. I knew I needed to be in the place where I belonged.  

I moved back home.  I have been and continue to be creating a new home.  I have spent time laughing and being with my oldest friends.  I have gotten to strengthen relationships with family.  I have continued and at the same time begun my relationship with Jeff.

Yesterday, I got to have all that in one room.  It was tangible.  I watched people renew friendships, I saw people go out of their way for one another.  I watched people feel very special.  I watched people express love and happiness.  I saw people free just to play and be themselves.  I saw people give and receive.  I saw children laugh and play and not the least bored.  

I have family. I have a home.  I have love.

I belong.

It sunk in.

Gratitude check

Gratitude Check

by Dianna Naylor on Thursday, 04 November 2010 at 09:47

I noticed today that I am almost at the year point from my last surgery.  This was the most painful and difficult one I went through in the last two years.  It was chest surgery to remove a tumor.  December 9th, 2009.  It was horrible. However, it was a starting point to some really important things that I have learned.   I tell you this story to go into my thoughts.

I was thinking as I was driving into work today, as I usually do. I recently came upon a situation with an acquaintance, who did some drastic things.  I have been wondering how they came about and why that person chose what they did.  There were some extreme, hurtful choices.  I wonder what could that person have done or caught before this situation occurred. 

I remember in the last several years how I dreaded going to work.  Not because of the clients,  but because of certain toxic people I had to work with. There was chronic chaos at the site I worked at.  I detached a lot, but like a basement with cracks, debris would still manage to seep in.  Then I would rush home to make dinner and then get to the point where I would try to relax, but even home was stressful.  At home, it was like being bitten to death by ducks on a daily basis, with regular visits from a bear. On top of it I was sick.  Nobody knew how sick I was getting.  Not even me.  I really thought it was in my head.  I see now where I never got away from stress and worry. However, I kept this up for a long, long time. I could have made some really poor choices, but I did not.  I wonder, what was different between me and this acquaintance?  There, but the grace of God, go I?  Now, I am not advocating to you the choices I made, if you find yourself really relating to this.  They worked for me, and me alone.  They are between me and my Higher Power.  However, I just want to impress upon you how much your choices and lifestyle impact your health, mentally, emotionally and physically.  You really do and can get sick from this stuff if you don’t listen to that voice that keeps telling you that something is not right. 

Do something about it, instead of ignoring the warning signs.    

I finally stopped ignoring the signs.

I thank you God.

I am grateful today.

The transformation continues part...well, I've lost count

The transformation continues...part...well, I've lost count.

by Dianna Naylor on Monday, 01 November 2010 at 13:05

I haven't written in awhile..Let's see.  I have been back home again in Indiana for 9 months.  New job 6 months. Jeff...forever (in the good way).  We have some goals that we are working toward.  Home has taken on a significantly new definition than before.  It's more of what I have always thought it should be.  The apartment still needs some work done, which will come in time.  Life is happening at a comfortable and peaceful level.  There are still stresses that pop up, but, not the chronic way that was my life before. I feel like I am able to think about the issues and make some tough choices that I believe will be healthy for me in the long run.

Jeff's health is starting to improve after a miserable summer for him.  Other than some annoying issues that I will always have, my health is very good.  I have bought my first little black dress.  I have always wanted one and a reason to wear it.  I even have the handsome man to go out with. I like that I feel excited about my days, my future and the choices I am making. I like this person I see in the mirror. I love my life.

For this I am truly grateful,

Thank you God. 

Throwing rocks at God

Throwing Rocks at God.

by Dianna Naylor on Tuesday, 28 September 2010 at 19:57

I have several difficult people and situations in my life.  Over the last few weeks a few of them have reared their ugly heads.  Because of this, I reacted in old ways.  Chronic worry, dysphoric, angry...When I get like this, I become "mad at the world".  Sometimes, literally I will imagine myself throwing rocks at this great expanse (whom I imagine to be God), until I imagine myself completely worn out.  Mentally, I am.   For a little bit, I will think, "There, I showed HIM."  

What a child I can be at times.  Throwing my little fit.  Not the most attractive part of my personality.

Then, I find, after I calm down, I need to humble myself.  Life on Life's terms means that we endure, build patience, focus on what we do have and and becoming grateful.  The nice thing is that I notice that the "fits" are few and farther in between.  I am growing up, a little.

I am grateful today.

Thank you God.

Promises

Promises

by Dianna Naylor on Monday, 09 August 2010 at 10:08

I will have been here 6 months this Friday. I told Jeff on Saturday during our grocery shopping excursion, that I was more boggled now that I was when I first got here. In a good way. I cannot believe what has changed for me. Last year I was at my lowest with my job, spiritual life, home issues and my health. I am not the same person, today.
I was doing my morning mediation reading, an realized I had not read this one in a few months. I find this particular passage to be true. It comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I think it works for non-alcoholics too.

It summed up the last few years, and especially the last few months.

Thank you, Jeff. I love you. You are a big part of this.

Thank you, God.

• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
• That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
• Self-seeking will slip away.
• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
• Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
• They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
• They will always materialize if we work for them. 

Patchwork Quilts

Patchwork Quilts

by Dianna Naylor on Tuesday, 27 July 2010 at 20:45

Quilts.

I like quilts.

Jeff reminded me of life and quilts this week.

Quilts evoke, to me, comfort, softness, time, patience, security. Grandmas with gnarled hands carefully placing the pattern, the stitches, smoothing over the material. Some of them are very intricate, very detailed, and they tell a story. They can have a specific pattern, and be stored away, awaiting to be passed on. If you have ever been given one, you know how precious they are.

I have one. I have had it since I was born.

I look at my life and see a patchwork quilt. It tells a story, too. Only not so much like the ones I like to envision. There are a lot of mismatched and odd patches. There has been not enough good material, and a lot of material that has been put in, because that is what there was. Some of the seams need to be re-stitched. Some of the patches need to be taken totally out, because they don't fit. Some of the stitches are too tight, and others because they are too raggedy and frayed. There are some holes to be repaired.

If you have ever ripped out seams and had to start over again, you understand what a process this is. A lot like life, isn't it? People come and go so quickly, beginnings and endings, tying knots and hanging on, making due with what you have, pieces you are really excited about, and others, you just can't wait until it is done, you are so tired of it, and you are sick of looking at it. Don't you just want to pitch it? But, someone else has looked at this piece of work. instead of seeing it as a waste...

...sees there are some good solid pieces. There is potential and it can be repaired. The Quilt is taking on more of the comforter I have imagined. I don't want to change it too much though. Again there ARE some good solid pieces, more being added, slowly, each day.

The nice thing about an old patchwork quilt is that they are simple, well worn and are very comfortable. Excellent to have around because they have held up so well over time.

Worthy to be passed on, not stored away and never used.

March 23rd, 2011

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. —Augusten Burroughs

I saw this quote and began thinking about this post I made last year.

The "Quilt" to date has had a lot of repair.  A lot of the shabby pieces, frays and tatters have been trimmed up or removed.  The stitching feels more secure.  It still is a process in the work, and I shall never be done with it. I like to look at it more and don't feel so sick of it I want to put it away.  Some of the older patches make more sense in the overall scheme of the quilt. 

Someone told me once that a tapestry, should you look on the back, makes no sense.  There are random colors and strings everywhere.  It looks a mess.  However, when you turn it over, the placements of the dark threads against the light, having only one color for two stitches...it begins to make sense.

Once again I am grateful.

The Rules for being Human

When you were born, you didn't come with an owner's manual; these guidelines make life work better.1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life on Planet Earth". Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success."
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it -- then you can go on to the next lesson.
5. If you don't learn easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.
6. You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing.
7. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again looks better than "here."
8. Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.
9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life -- or someone else will.
10. You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract -- therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.
11. There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing doesn't help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.
12. Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is to look, listen, and trust.
13. You will forget all this.
14. You can remember any time you wish.

(From the book "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules" by Cherie Carter-Scott)

Shoes

Shoes

by Dianna Naylor on Wednesday, 30 June 2010 at 13:48

Shoes. Why am I thinking of shoes these days?
I have bought several pair recently.
I saw a clip of “Sex and the City” where Carrie Bradshaw is telling a designer “Don’t be afraid to put me up in the big girl shoes!” She had such confidence and glee in that scene.

I think I am beginning to understand this.

For a long time I work 7 ½ shoes. My female parental unit insisted that we wore the same size shoes. (It didn’t matter that she is 5 foot nothing and small, whereas I am 5’8” and am built like an Amazon.) It wasn’t until I was in my mid 20’s and a person told me (who had a slight shoe fetish) that I was wearing the wrong size shoe. It wasn’t until I started wearing 8 ½ that I realized that my feet were hurting that bad. I tolerated it, thinking that way that things were supposed to fit. What a relief. (You do see that this is a metaphor for my life, if you have read my other posts.) BTW I wear a 9 now. (Amazon).
Jump to the past 6 months. When Jeff and I went to Indianapolis to the Fashion Mall to pick up his iPad, we stopped in a few shoe stores. I needed shoes for Easter, and hopefully a job. We went to several different shops. I tried heels, but I was so wobbly, I knew that I would be miserable. (I had learned the lesson previously mentioned.) I was also under the belief of “I don’t wear heels, it isn’t who I am.” I did find a suitable low heel that day. I spent more one on that one pair of shoes than I ever have in my life. I think I made that purchase because I needed to step out on faith. I needed for things to be different, I needed to be different, I needed to try different things. I remember sitting in that boutique thinking, “I wonder what I am becoming…?”

Jump to today. You may have read that Jeff and I went to see “The Phantom of the Opera.” I put on the big girl shoes. 3” heels. I got around fine. Felt steady and secure. (Well, I did hold onto Jeff’s arm going down stairs.) One because, I like to hold onto Jeff’s arm. Two no need to go-ass-over-teakettle when one is attempting to have some dignity in 3” heels. I am still…me…afterall.

P.S. Jeff said I looked “fetching”.

Transformations, lifting the veil, stepping up.

Transformations, lifting the veil, stepping up.

by Dianna Naylor on Wednesday, 16 June 2010 at 15:02

I have been here 4 months. In a few weeks, it will be 6 months since the leap of faith.

Last time I wrote on transformation.

That is still occurring at a steady even pace. I mentioned to my supervisor that it appears that when I get comfortable with one area, another challenge opens up. I have been less concerned these days with perfection, but with progress. I have known about that phrase for years from AA. I have practiced for years also, but it has been a more meaningful experience. I can actually do this more often without having to have the *Your an idiot, Dianna* or some other similar phrase. It is getting easier.

All the new pathways are being created in my dim little brain with moments of consolidation. I am not displeased.

Lifting the veil.

I refer to this as these layers that come off and I see things for what they are. I suppose it is called by different names: coming out of denial, stepping into the light...etc. This particular veil is being lifted in regards to people close to me. People I have had problems understanding for years. I can see things for other people, but never myself..until now...It isn't necessarily a joyous experience, but it has been important that I learn this. It is as if a huge chunk of a puzzle has finally fit together.

Stepping up.

I have felt this since I made the leap of faith with everything. Stepping up my behavior, my beliefs, my dress, my manner of treating people, my relationships, my ethics, my work. I asked for the opportunity, and it has been given. How often was I given a gift, to then just do nothing?

The joys are getting to see my Grandkid. She is 15 now. Smart, funny, and beautiful. I see the Godkid, who is also smart, funny and beautiful. Someday, I hope they will get to meet. Of course, I can't say enough about Jeff. Love of my life.

I continue to be grateful.

Continued...

Continued...

by Dianna Naylor on Friday, 28 May 2010 at 13:42

May 28th, 2010. 5 months into the transformation. Again it seem much longer than it has been (not in the bad way). I am never sure how things are going to look as the transformation unfolds, so it has been like opening presents every day.

Next week I will have been at work 6 weeks. I am seeing where my style as a counselor and Meridian's style as an agency are starting to merge. They like me here, and I like them. I think I have found my nitch once more.

I am no longer in fear of taking that damned licensure exam. I'll pass that..the first time.

Festus (my cat, Jeff's step-cat) has more than doubled his size, has strange and unusual vocalizations, and has removed Jeff from his favorite chair. He is silly most of the time, and a pain when he wants attention @ 4:30 in the morning.

Muttley (Jeff's dog, and my step-dog) has figured out that I am a sucker and will give treats on demand. The family (sans Festus) goes for rides twice a week. Muttley hangs his head out of the window and lets his jowls flap in the breeze.

The apartment looks like a home now. there is now a dinette set, living room furniture, and patio furniture. Just a few more items that we really need and the big stuff will be done. It is taking shape, and as Jeff pointed out, there is a theme running through the house. To me it looks solid, well done, stable, understated and will be around for a long time. Things you won't get sick of looking at after 30-40 years. I think I just found the theme of the transformation, don't you?

I would say the same of mine and Jeff's relationship.

Jeff had been eying the T.V. stand we bought for several years. (I continue to be astounded at his patience). I asked him at dinner how it felt to get something that you wanted for a very long time... He said "I found that out about 3 and a half months ago..."

I continue to be grateful to God.

Random Thoughts

by Dianna Naylor on Wednesday, 28 April 2010 at 18:11

I have been back home 2 months and 2 weeks. I was thinking today about how CALM my life is these days. Even though quitting my job, moving,divorcing, starting a new/old relationship (depending on how you look at it) and generally putting my life into great upheaval. I am still making adjustments..but,I am calm. Now mind you, I have had a few freak-outs, hey, I am human. I am seeing things in such a different way these days. I may actually learn how to slow down. That seem to be a real possibility.

Grateful, once again.

Out of the Darkness into the Light

Out of the Darkness into the Light.

by Dianna Naylor on Thursday, 15 April 2010 at 11:08

I only recently discovered that you could make notes on Facebook. Since I tend to write a lot, it will be your misfortune to see some of my random thoughts. LOL

Rebuilding my life has been...well, I am not sure of what word to use...amazing, wonderful, faith-building, exciting...All of those things that sound so cliche these days. It sure isn't cliche when it happens to you, is it?

I am so grateful for the miracle/Divine Intervention that has occurred.

Some of the difficulties are nagging at me though.

Energy: Now you wouldn't think this is a bad thing. It really isn't, but, I just don't know what to do with all of it. It has only been recently that it has been returned to me. It is uncomfortable at times. I find it hard to relax and to be able to sit still. Patience also ties into this for me. Because I believe that I have lost so much time, it is hard to slow down. I want everything...now.

Too much time to think: Mixed blessing for me. I tend to nit-pick at myself after awhile, or over analyze things. Let me how far I went for a minute. When I was told I had 90 days to get my license, I momentarily went on a free fall. I actually thought that I could not pass the the test, and that I would only have this job for 90 days...then what? I laughed when I realized that. Everyone else is thinking...Cool, she got a job! Here I am thinking that I lost it already! LOL I am over that. Snort.

Confidence: Tough thing for me. Maybe that isn't the right thing to say. Asking for what I want/need is more like it. Now mind you, my situation is totally different than it was, but that reflex or the fear of the answer/reaction still stymies me. The small things are just hard to ask for.

Stunted: Acutely aware of this. The cultural headset from where I lived to here is much different. I see that I have some catching up to do. I saw a lot of complacency, negativity, poor work ethic, a lot of underhanded behaviors, etc. A lot of craziness. Not saying that that stuff doesn't exist here. I know it does.

I just think in many ways I was held back. I am just more aware of this these days.

The waking up process is still occurring...If I were my client, I would tell them that yes, these awarenesses are real. That you need to slow down. All will come in time. You are stronger and more capable that you think. You'll be able to ask for what you need, and the fear will reduce. It's ok to ask. That there is a power greater than yourself in charge. You are way harder on yourself than you need to be.

You are human after all.